So I’m standing behind the counter in work and these two ginger kids come over to order.
I’m already trying not to laugh, because they’re really really ginger.
Anyway, I ask the kid what he wants. He wants to know what the soups are. I tell him, praying I’m not going to laugh when I say “Chicken Chowder, Tomato and Basil……Carrot and Coriander”
Anyway…the fella only goes and orders the Carrot soup. I’m trying my hardest not to laugh when I put down the two soups, and the other kid says “I’ll get us two drinks…”
Guess what the fucker brought?
Two Fantas.
- King of Work Stories
Bad examples made rock ‘n roll great…
Some songs have blatant lies in them. Some have misleading advice. Other tunes have advice that will literally get you killed if you do it. Even more than this, some set amazingly poor examples.
For blatant lies how about Cat Stevens - Into White?
“I built my house from barley rice
Green pepper walls and water ice”
I must admit that I’m not actually a structural engineer or involved in the construction business at all, but I’m fairly sure a house made from rice just wouldn’t be able to satisfy the criteria needed to gain planning permission. Even if a house made entirely out of barley rice DID manage to get the relevant documents needed to start construction, I’d wager a considerable sum that “Green Pepper” is not on the list of suitable fire protection materials. Health hazard if I ever heard one, simply wouldn’t get its HMO. Anyway, a house constructed from Barley Rice and Green Peppers is probably an affront to Allah.
“Walk on hot coals,
Sleep on a bed of nails,
Walk on thin ice,
Skate on razor blades”
Oh Rory Gallagher, what do you take me for? I certainly will NOT walk on hot coals, skate on razor blades (especially not on thin ice! I’d fall into water cold enough to kill me in minutes!)…sleeping on a bed of nails would be okay provided the nails were close enough together, i suppose. Still…the rest of the song is like the script for a bad episode of 999 Rescue. Rory takes it for sheer irresponsibility. Lets not forget that the remainder of the song could be made into an advert for the Samaritans.
The Queen must surely be proud of such heroic men as the Police and Irish soldiers, as It takes eight or eleven of the biggest mud crushers in Melbourne to take one poor little half-starved larrakin to a watch house. I have seen as many as eleven, big & ugly enough to lift Mount Macedon out of a crab hole, more like the species of a baboon or Guerilla than a man, actually come into a court house and swear they could not arrest one eight stone larrakin, and them armed with battens and neddies, without some civilians assistance and some of them going to the hospital from the affects of hits from the fists of the larrakin. And the Magistrate would send the poor little Larrakin into a dungeon for being a better man than such a parcel of armed curs.
What would England do if America declared war and hoisted a green flag, as its all Irishmen that has got command of her armies forts and batteries. Even her very life guards and beef tasters are Irish. Would they not slew around and fight her with their own arms for the sake of the colour they dare not wear for years?
The infinite reaches of space. Just waiting to be filled up with dogma and hate. Get to it, humanity!
Welcome to nowhere and finding out where it is
And fixing your problems and starting over again
You’re feeding your ego
With what you can see outside
And you’re killing yourself
For not speaking your mind
History tells us that all empires and occupiers, no matter how mighty, eventually fall as they give in to the will of the indigenously oppressed who seek freedom. History will repeat itself in Palestine, eventually.
Just tellin’ the same old story,
Singin’ the same old song,
And everything’s alright
‘till everything goes all wrong
– Pat McManus, Ballyshannon 2/06/2007The grand highway is crowded
w/
Lovers
&
Searchers
&
Leavers
so
eager
to
please
&
forget.
Wilderness.
– The late, great Jim MorrisonAnatomy of a cunt’s poem
Title of uncertain significance.
Bold statement.
Statement implying the inverse.
Rhetorical question.
Explicit statement of the inverse.
Dramatic interjection.
Questioning of one’s perspective.
Reassurance of one’s rightness.
Juxtaposition of certainty of rightness, with self-professed nihilism.
Expression of futility of life.
False finish.
Supposition that futility isn’t necessarily a deal-breaker.
List examples in support of supposition.
Obscure glaring omission of faults with supposition.
Dare reader to self-probe.
Self questioning.
Witty riposte.
Quotable finish, vaguely connected to title.
About me
The greatest charade of pseudo-intellectual caddery since...well, ever...probably.
